Little Brother's Revenge
Speaker - Mark Petrakis | Approximate Date - 1959

I was in 6th grade, and my brother John in 2nd. It was my unfortunate practice at the time to beat John at Wiffle Ball and any other game with annoying regularity. I was big, he was small, that was life. We were both attending Koraes Elementary School during this period, which is a whole other story. In any case, our principal Mr. Kopan was a common target of derision around our house, as were descriptions of his cheeks which shook like bowls full of jelly when for the slightest infractions he would beat students' palms with his notorious metal-tipped yardsticks.

One night after dinner, John was being especially vehement in his insults of Mr. Kopan. My father suggested that perhaps if he felt so strongly, he should make these comments to the man's face and not behind his back. My brother, without a moment's hesitation, declared he would be only too happy to say what he had to say directly to Mr. Kopan. "Very well," my father said," let's call him."

I watched carefully as my father found the number and dialed it. I had seen him fake such calls before, but this time he did not fake it. He was dialing the number. I began to squirm with excitement. John stood there calmly waiting to speak his piece. The phone rang...and rang. No answer. John stood by his determination. After ten minutes, with the tension growing unbearable, my father dialed the number again. Again, the right number, again we waited and no one answered.

My father decided that would be enough attempts for now. Then he and I both stared at John, still standing there entirely unflappable. "What would you have said," we asked, "if you had gotten Mr. Kopan on the phone?" John calmly replied "I would have said, Mr. Kopan, my brother Mark has something to say to you." I don't remember exactly what happened after that. I think some kind of chase ensued.